hoping for a better me

All these years - (1 year and 5 months to be exact) I have waited for them to "make it up to me" with all the energy I expended trying to make them change or make them pay... and problem with it? I became someone who I am not and worst my actions never get what it wants; it never even evens the score. My actions kept the old wounds from healing and gave pain from the past free rein to shape... where it damaged my life even more. 

yeah and honestly it took me awhile - (lAST NIGHT to be  exact) before I  realized that. :) 

recalling....

Last night I don't know why but my tears kept on falling....Im just too lonely? or  I think maybe thats all  because of that movie ( It takes man and a woman by ms.cat. molina featuring ms. sarah G. and mr. J.lloyd C. ) the movie has some valuable lessons that I think was intended to be molded in the whole aspect of  life.

  1.) Sometimes being the best means being the least.

2.) Be good in times of failure.

3.) Sometime being good is loving the people who hurt you.

3.) Piliin mong magpatawad. Piliin mong magmahal.
Love is a choice. Ganun din ang pagpapatawad.

4.) In reality, it's not a happy ever after but a reality ever after

cONTINUE....

yeah! 4 years almost and yes I admit a lot of things happened.... I became a rebel for no reason at all 

which led me doing some craps... partly I eventually am regretting it until now...but these circumstances/ happenings I believed can never be deleted or changed

some this happenings may even had leaved a scar and I know it is or will be forever in my heart 

but at least those memories that I am carrying contains

a bunch of lesson that may lead me to become a better person someday.

 :)

"You can't make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice! Deal with the consequences! "

"A healed memory never become a deleted memory"

"Forgiving is not something you do for someone else. It is not even something you do because you SHOULD, forgiving is something that you do for yourself"

happy kiddo

For ds past few months daghan kaayog nahitabo
paspas kaayo tanan..... i don't know kung sakto
pero sakto dgwai.. ambot no comment nlng ko
kay dghan ug kalipay atung mga panahuna
ug dghan pd kasakit... gadungan. pero wa ghapon mismo
ako natagam.. so karun way mahay kay tanan
lesson... pero how i wish. ma okay tanan. ma ok mi tanan
i miss hanging out with them... kana friends unta tanan...
hay pero atleast krn ... happy kid ko...
thank you sa walay humpay na pagsupport n mama
ug n sister nq.. ug sa aq mga "friends" gd...na wa gd mibiya
bisig unsa paq kakatok ug utok nakasabot , gapasensya sa
akong batasan na pirti jd ninduta....  < magbisaya saq ..pasensya . magtuon paq. haha! >

HAPPY KIDDO! #spreadd'love

Pusong Bato by Charice Pempengco

escandalo (IKAW by miss KMF)

please bare with me viewers.haha. im so bored lang gd. :)

#xmasbreak #alone #ikaw #singingmode

Breathe out

How could I move on and forget someone like you....
if every time I tried to stay away from you...
you unexpectedly appear in front of me...>_<
men!

If only I could change the past...
anyways...saying this doesn't mean that I want to change everything that just happened...
I just want to correct every lies that I said... I've done
and maybe change or fix the complications and issues that
has been bothering me for quite sometime.

For months , honestly I really don't know what
I am doing...

men! I really don't know what to do... help!

am'  really crazy. HAHAHA

COURAGE

Courage is a hard thing to figure. You can have courage based on a dumb idea or mistake, but you're not supposed to question adults, or your coach or your teacher, because they make the rules. Maybe they know best, but maybe they don't. It all depends on who you are, where you come from. Didn't at least one of the six hundred guys think about giving up, and joining with the other side? I mean, valley of death that's pretty salty stuff. That's why courage it's tricky. Should you always do what others tell you to do? Sometimes you might not even know why you're doing something. I mean any fool can have courage. But honor, that's the real reason for you either do something or you don't. It's who you are and maybe who you want to be. If you die trying for something important, then you have both honor and courage, and that's pretty good. I think that's what the writer was saying, that you should hope for courage and try for honor. And maybe even pray that the people telling you what to do have some, too.

-michael oher- 

Black & White

  

 For years.....I've been relying my life and time to you
 you knew my secrets, and I also knew yours...
 you accepted and knew every bit of my bad side and good side...but never give a damn word about it..
 Though were miles apart physically...but you never let me feel that way emotionally...
 
 I knew you're not into some cheesy words that can melt someone's heart...
 BUt your actions and efforts that you did for years are much greater ...much much greater...that really tatak in my heart..

 For years you knew that I have this attitude that I love being hated by others..
 I demanded and make reklamo on some things without basis and I do it intentionally so you will get mad ...
 but I don't... remember that you fought back...not even once...

 TO tell you honestly, Iam not expecting something like this will happen.. not this soon...
 for when we talk before ... I am happy and enjoyed every seconds of it...

 I don't really know what happened...
 I even can't explain it...
 But I think some things were just not meant to be...not now...
 I am trying to communicate you badly for days...
 cause' I am trying and hoping that some things will still work out...
 pero nakisabay sad si PABLO sa panahon nato...
 
 I give an ultimatum for this..and now I think I will end everything ...

 
 Thankyou for everything...Thankyou for being so patient to me for years...
 thankyou for always being their ...
 wholeheartedly lending your ears whenver my heart and head aches
 because I feel bad and got mad on some things...

ENDED

I hate it whenever... I think about you
I hate it whenever our eyes met and for a moment we stop and just stare at each other
...no words... no sound...there's nothing...
I even and you also even can't smile or act like there's nothing is wrong...

I hate it whenever your with that girl
so plain stupid I got really jelly and I just can't help it

I hate it ...for liking you so much... for letting me fall for you for a moment and just leave me sa ere...your so damn unfair I told you not to do that!...but that's life dba?... :)
I hate it whenever I am near and I act like a stupid person...by not recognizing you all...
I hate it so much that you people knew and can read through me that I am so affected...

I hate myself for being so stupid- for always remembering and missing those times....
I am so martyr, and too kind at the same time bitter dba?..ako najud!


I am so helpless...
and this is soo hopeless...

I hate it that I got bitter because of what happened before...
I hate it that people who are close to my heart hurt me before... na nagresulta sa in.ani..
I know this is still my choice...
I totally hate it that we met when things and circumstances
between me and those people involved...were so "complicated" pa rin...

I'm shielding myself from falling.. from falling out again...
I just can't risk it...
I want words not actions...but one month have been passed...
there's no words ..clear words...nor actions...

I know that those times for you was just for fun...
Sabton taka kay I know what happened before... 
I even stalked you for awhile so that maybe I can even understand what you are goin' through
I even had read your post after your breakup with her...

For those people who are involved....Tomorrow would be the last day....I promise...
I will definitely end and stop everything... 

pampered

for weeks I've been enduring all d pain
and finally after a long wait...

dli q loaded sa majors pero im emotionally , physically and still mentally won out #emotionallady 

#pampered @ GRANDROYALSPA

thankyou so much mama sa pagsponsor. I love you! mwah!

HAHhah. :)) ADVANCE MERRY CHRISTMAS! :))

 

 

countdown :'(

For 2 consecutive nights... gahilak nasad ko..meenn! balik nasad
ang pagka crying baby nq? haha! :"((

menn.. wa pjd paramdam2 .. karun pa...tsk
12 more days.. and I'll end this foolishness...

most memorable

cONGRATULATIONS IMS for winning !!
OVERALL champion sa DanceSport!!!WEHH!!

2nd runnerup for ds year ang IMS!!! 2012-2013 IS THE BEST!!
GO IMS!!

Hope...and anything is possible

I'm in ... I'm still in!!!
and I'm soooo happy!!!
thank you lord! :')

:)

goodbye social life? hahahaha! >_<

See the difference

I like him but I don't love him...

I want to be true but some things just can't be real

to tell you honestly ....I know you but I hardly noticed you

We do have some common friends.. but we're not even friends...

then after so many years... I noticed you... and got irritated 
because of your ways...

but... for a record your the only one that makes my heart skip a beat...
you held me like there's no tommorow... though can't remember everything...
I appreciated every single moment that you've done... you've shared...

I know there is no such thing as a coincidence in this world, only the inevitable...

anyways.... they asked me why I am holding back ....

one reason: I don't want to be miserable again....I'm no good  good in controlling such things...
so I'm trying my best ...not to care....   

PS: I just don't want to take the risk..
#24 #30 #11.
 

I care; He cares ; you CARE? kebs ko.. ;)

2nd day of the month : TIME CHECK (PHIL) - 1:41AM (november2)

I can't sleep ... anong bago dun? haha..
what's up?

For the first time, I spent my All soul's/ All saints day
here in Dumaguete.

as you can see this is my / our room... ang gulo dba? mas magulo pa yan last2 month?.. nakapaglinis lang ng konti ngayon.ahaha..hhmmm no doubt Ang gulo ng utak ko for d past few months.hahah! 3:) #OC

anyways.. ayun.. I finished cleaning my room @ around 10pm ...and again.. nagpakavain.. thanks to my #justjeanhat :) .. around 11pm I decided na lumabas para bumili ng food..ng biglaang bumuhos ang ulan?men!! timing lang na nakasilong me sa harap ng gasoling station... #stranded&alone ... plus pinagalitan pa me? kababae kung tao bat ako lang daw magisa lumabas? men! wala ka kaya d2...hmmp   >_< <3

#justjean #vain #icarehecaresyoucare?

November it is... sTAY postive

Goodbye October! Hello November.

November it is... Time flies so fast... 

And I wonder what life awaits for me for this this month 

Second semester is on monday nah...and we are not enrolled pa... whoossh

I wonder ..if I can still be a medtech student this semester.. (crossing my fingers)

 .. :) anyways... Hope springs eternal ika nga :)

I'll keep u updated...
stay tune? :)) -bern-

stay postive ; thInk positive... GOD is with me; GOD is with us "always" :)

not even a minute.. not even a bit

Sometimes there are things in life that will surely just happen

You will not notice, in a bit a second it will change you... TOTALLY CHANGE YOU.

 "Mind over Matter is the solution" they say , but what if your heart is more powerful than your sensible but impressionable mind?

How would you handle the situation?  

if even you yourself lacked the endurance and courage to correct yourself..

#imreallytotallyintoyou

-bern-

sTrolling

October 29

Enrollment is now going on...but due to some reasons 
our grades still haven't been released
anyway... we are not in a hurry besides 
1st day pa sa enrollment. :)  so ..CHILL.. ;)

#mypartnerincrime #cess&me #bitchvssuperbitch        

ACTIVITIES FOR THIS DAY: #gotochurch #pray #strolling #eat #movie #windowshopping

church then boulevard

#me&cess <3 to dine here ;)

#chilltime #ASECRETAFfair

A Secret Affair Synopsis (from http://manilarepublic.com/a-secret-affair-2012-movie-lines-and-quotes/7462/. )

Rafi (Anne Curtis) is happily committed to her lovely partner in life, Anton (Derek Ramsay). She’s a bachelorette from a rich family, who belongs to the “Friday Club”, the regular get-together of her college friends. Rafi is an attention-getter because of her in and out beauty and impressive credentials. But one day, a major life decision shifts everyone’s impression of her. Sam (Andi Eigenmann), a rebellious, carefree and happy-go-lucky woman, who thinks that she can get away with her every dilemma. However, her perspectives turn 180 degrees when she meets the man who unexpectedly changes her life.

FLYFLY BYEBYE

October 21

She stayed for less than 24hours... miuli pa cya?? haha! btaw... she has a party to attend sa work dt's why miflyfly na cya... @7am she leaves the house @11am - flight

#homesweethome #loveyousis

Whatever, Whenever, Wherever

October 20

Kung hindi lang birthday ng lolo ko di ako uuwi..
men... katamad magtravel.. :)
...
4am - travel time
pagdating ko sa pier ang lakas ng ulan... buti nalang laptop at isang pack bag
lang ang dala ko...

@dboat

ok... ang lakas ng alon.. gosh.. para akong nasa duyan...
nagslislide na din ang iba kung gamit... buti nalang din naman 
na antok na antok ako at di ko pinansin ang hagupit ng ulan at alon. around 2pm na
ako dumating sa amin. exactly 10 hours na travel time. :/ oh.. readers .. now u know 
bat ayaw kng umuwi... ;)

HappyBirthday lolo! #i love family gathering ; i love my family : y? spoiled ako sa food eh! they let me eat whatever i like, whenever I feel like eating .... haha!

#homesweethome:  WELCOME HOME 2 MY 2 uncle's and 2 me and 2 u my dear sister

post celebration : 2nd round... ok .. for the first time my mom bought us a drink...? haha! ang lakas ng convincing power mo sis! #homesweethome

behindthewords

 

Though, one knew better than as of me

I have this thing that is truly is mine

A precious thing that some of them might not truly see

A precious thing that some might even have declined.

For one's fear to grab it

For one's fear to lose it

A premonition feeling that no one dares, even me?

Then, I should be afraid more than anyone should be.

Take a grip, take a grasp, I should seize more than anyone here

Hold it dear; hold it there for one should be near to it

But don’t you dare, don’t conceive for later on

You would be in misery

Recession the retention, would be the lease I could do

Revision of the memory of inhibition, would be the best thing I should do

Though I can't maneuver my companion and reiteration is not a choice

At least in my cache I have possessed the memoir- the memory to be love.

-bern-